Recently one of the cats caught a hummingbird. Matt eventually had to put the little bird out of its misery, ending its life out of my sight, an act of compassion to both the hummingbird and me.
If you know cats, you know that they rarely hunt and kill, but rather they stalk, bat, torture and cause their victims a slow, painful death. It’s not intentional. They’re cats. It’s just what they do. But I could not stand for one second to watch that shimmery, fragile bird go through such apparent pain. Its wings vibrating but not able to fly, its swollen round abdomen panting short, quick breaths. Its tender, sad eyes.
I cried.
Though I’m devastated about the hummingbird, I really can’t fault the cats. They’ve successfully kept our country house mostly mice free, and we don’t have a rabbit problem in or around the garden. The cats even help keep down the dreaded mole population (don’t get me started on the moles). But also, the cats kill our delightful songbirds, and today a decadent, little hummingbird suffered at their merciless antics.
This is life, isn’t it? I’m not talking about the Lion King circle-of-life. I’m talking about the two-sides-of-every-coin part of life. On one hand, the cats are just what we need, but on the other hand, Lord have mercy, somebody hold me back.
It’s hard to find anything in this life that is purely good through and through. Even love will break your heart.
I am trying to teach this to the kids. They’re kids, so naturally they are greedy as all get out. Truthfully, they’re human, so naturally they are greedy as all get out. Aren’t we all? But greed plus immaturity plus inexperience means that they think money really will solve everything. They think that the goal is to be rich, and then life will be great. I keep telling them the words from the Notorious B.I.G. (though I’m more of a West-Coast Tupac-for-life girl, myself). Like Biggie always said, “Mo money, mo problems.”
Don’t get me wrong, money helps. It really does. And also, more money leads to more responsibility, management and decision-making.
This equation applies to all good things.
For instance, farming flowers is a dream. I find so much comfort, joy and grace in growing and harvesting flowers. And also, I’ve never been so tired, sore and uncertain.
Furthermore, creativity is such a vibrant part of my life. I love being a person who designs, builds and creates, and also, my creative cravings can be dogged and demanding, interfering with my best plans and strictest deadlines.
The list goes on and on and on.
I guess what I’m saying is that cats are great. They’ve been a fantastic addition to our farm and family. And also, I’m choked up just thinking about that suffering, beautiful bird, slowly dying in the palm of my husband’s hand.
To be clear, we aren’t getting rid of the cats. Not yet anyway. I’ll continue to find dead mice and mole guts along with half-eaten bird wings and the occasional partially-chewed garter snake (I really don’t mind the snakes). So much of life is filled with good and bad, hope and doubt, wonder and fear. It’s all wrapped up together. You can’t have one without the other.
What I’m learning and also attempting to teach my kids, but mostly my own heart, is that gratitude and contentment really are worth striving for. Thank you, Lord, for the rabbit-less garden. Thank you, Lord, for the abundance of flowers. Thank you, Lord, for this new potential income stream. Thank you, Lord, for what you’ve allowed me to create. And as I say thank you, I also receive the hard, the losses, the sorrow, the disappointment, the doubts and the dread. I welcome them as part of the beauty. I’m not happy about the hard, but I accept it as a part of life.
Maybe 2 Pac was right when he said, “Even though you're fed up, ya got to keep your head up … things are gonna get easier … Keep ya head up, things'll get brighter.”
And if not - if the easier or brighter never come, try checking the other side of the coin. You just might find something there that leads you to gratitude, goodness or grace.
